60 frustrations

This list was a starting point for me to think of frustration and what it means to me and how I interact with it and what can I do about it. I realised that frankly I can't do shit. And it felt like my thoughts were bouncing off the walls just to hit me back harder.

  1. Zoom audio doesn’t load for a while and everyone starts checking their audio and it’s all awkward.
  2. My computer is slower because of the Sims4 I loaded, but I don’t have the guts to delete it.
  3. The anime movie I was waiting for is postponed because of corona.
  4. When a friend starts talking passionately and freezes til you reload.
  5. WhatsApp franticly notifying me about everything as soon as I start talking with someone.
  6. Sometimes my Mac randomly stops switching alphabets on my keyboard.
  7. Flatmates daily drunkenly laughing at stupid game sounds on the terrace.
  8. Extremely loud noise outside every Tuesday morning at 6am. (update: it was a garbage truck)
  9. All the men who write gross sexual things to me online and make me feel unsafe on my own platforms.
  10. Only getting responses to share my room from the men around 33 who are “looking for a woman”.
  11. The man who I talked once with about the room demanding an answer to “we might be friend if you wish”. And then getting angry I ignored it.
  12. Men.
  13. Arguments with my best friend even though we both understand in the process that its just our faulty panicked brains clutching.
  14. Insomnia.
  15. Inability to concentrate on reading properly.
  16. I have less human rights just because I was born outside of the imaginary line.
  17. Oranges are expensive.
  18. It is the forth month of me waiting to get into therapy and on Friday they asked if I have the right insurance. For the third time. (update: I will only get it in January)
  19. Europeans suggesting solutions that only apply to them and never apply to me.
  20. How therapy offers English sessions, but the lady on the phone is Dutch and speaks zero English. So I need to come there. So they tell me I need to call.
  21. Complete lack of surprise from Russian public when my government commits monstrous acts of inhumanity.
  22. Other older classmates and friends having parents and homes to rely on and me not having either.
  23. My only shoes broke, but all the shops are closed.
  24. The fact that my mom was abusive, but she is still the only parent I have so I still sick emotional support from her.
  25. Rich celebrities getting things for free because they are famous.
  26. Billionaires not paying taxes.
  27. Governments that are ok with it.
  28. Capitalism.
  29. Americans not choosing Sanders even though the motherfuckers can actually vote (that one gets to me for some reason).
  30. My derealizations-depersanalizations getting wild because of the quarantine and no sense of time.
  31. If I cry I get headaches.
  32. If I don’t cry I also get headaches.
  33. People ditching me instead of saying “I am not going to take the room, thanks”.
  34. All of my best friends in Russia are poor so we can’t meet.
  35. Everyone renders me as straight, though I am bi and mostly have queer friends.
  36. When discounts are wrongly placed in AH and no one knows what is actually costing 1,99euros.
  37. Restrictions that Immigrations services put on my working conditions.
  38. Tuition fees are still 7500 even though all the workshops and services are not in use and education is different.
  39. Landlords and real estate agencies not wanting to let me have a viewing, because I'm an international student.
  40. Landlords and real estate agencies.
  41. Computer freezing every time I want to go fancy in AfterEffects.
  42. Computer freezing every time I turn on Unity.
  43. Community got worse after the 4th season.
  44. I am not in the TV-show and I will never have super powers or a time-machine.
  45. I can’t distract myself from my problems anymore.
  46. The wish to eat everything in the house because you are scared.
  47. The fact that I base my self worth on feeling that I am the top of the class, but this year neither being good at anything nor thinking that it is an actually valid measurement hence always feeling that I suck.
  48. Loud noises and loud people.
  49. Realisation that I immigrated because I needed to, not because I wanted to.
  50. Inability to understand half the information around me.
  51. Inability to focus on learning Dutch.
  52. The need to learn the third languages to be able to wash dishes.
  53. Wages being smaller the younger you are because of the assumption that you have family as a backup.
  54. Rein will take the curtains and I don’t know where to buy curtains.
  55. My plants are dying.
  56. I don’t have enough plates to use the dishwasher.
  57. The fact that we know about mortality.
  58. Period crumps.
  59. Constant feeling that everything is actually great snd that I don’t appreciate my reality enough.
  60. Capricorns.