Week theme: Solitude
In the past few weeks I have had a lot of trouble with not be surrounded by people, you get constantly confronted with yourself, something I was trying to avoid. With this theme I looked at my situation how I feel. So I first came with solitude with oneself. I did actions where I could see myself. And then I found out I was in Confrontation with oneself. I have unconsciously started looking for what I have been trying to avoid for most of my life. I went deeper into this and I did all kinds of actions. Things that I also do in daily life that I sometimes have a lot of trouble with. But once I'm in it, I go all the way in and lose track of time and sometimes myself. But this moment I was alone outside, with myself, and confronted myself. I always say to be afraid of the eyes of people, the eyes that can read you, see through you and bring things up in you, sometimes get you opening up about you, no I prefer to avoid them. But what if those eyes come into contact with themselves, does that bring up things in me, do I see things, how do I think consciously or unconsciously?
Video the letter; Thought stream
Here I confront myself, on several levels.
By reading this letter and then looking at myself, I have always said that the eyes are so much more. When eyes meet it can have so many outcomes, I'm afraid of this meeting, afraid that people can read me and see me, see inside of me and can see all my insecurities, eyes can touch you, and can release thinks in/from you, but also play with you and for you to be able to share things. I read this letter and then I have a big stream of thoughts, which is very different than if you also have to look (confront) yourself by looking in your own eyes. Does this confrontation also change my stream of thoughts? Do I think different now? Do I feel different? Do I look at things differently? Am I confronting myself or am I lost in the thought stream and is this now just a shell of emptiness? Is there realization?
This is about change, of thought streams, change of words and ways that sentences are constructed, how do I tell something, how do I look at it, how do I see words and how do I listen to them, where do they come from? From inside of my head or from inside the heart? Always questions and questions (asking and asking). Never no questions, no questions means knowledge and you cannot have/own all the knowledge. On what do you rely? How do you change and why do you change? Am I changing now? What do we see and what not? What do you hear and what not? what do you feel and what not? How do I look upon this? What do I want? What am I going to do? Which decision is certain, or are there no decisions?
I wrote the text after reading the letter as a kind of reaction to this. It is a recording of my thought stream that took place at that time in that moment, it took me away for a while and was as fast gone again. We are lonely at this time with hardly anyone around us. This does not mean that they are gone, but it can feel that way and feelings are something almost incomprehensible, can you listen to it? what now? Don't look far ahead that makes no sense. Look at it day by day. Always questions?
Here I used a photo collage, from fragments from the video. These together form an image, you can run this into a 3-dimensional world, and by pressing the mouse it also works backwards and you are in a world and you can run it back in a merged image. I compare this to my awareness and my unconscious, as a kind of mindset. It reminds me of how I think and see. In a moment everything is together and everything coincides and it just fits. But every time I start thinking about something, I get lost in a stream of thoughts. It is expanding more and more like here, it is compact but when I start to think it shoots in all directions and it gets bigger and bigger and goes everywhere. But it can also be the other way around that I am completely lost in it, and then somehow I find a way back in all those thoughts back to the beginning where it all started. You could say that this is a visual representation of a place with all my thought and with all these fragments/words. That fly through this space and then somehow always come back, not always beautiful.
An image of moving actions;
An image, and yet an infinity stream of movements, thoughts, colors and actions.
Collection of actions;
Is a collection of reflection of moving actions. Visualised in a empty space.
Facing the facing.