Things that keep me awake

Following the frustration week I decided to also make a list as a starting point for my assignment, knowing that the only relevant resistance for me at the moment was resistance to sleep.

So, I made a list of things that made me resist sleep:

  1. Drinking tea after 20:00
  2. Drinking coffee after 18:00
  3. Light from the cars reflecting on my ceiling
  4. Sound from the cars passing my house
  5. Motorcycles
  6. My flatmates laughing loudly while drunk
  7. My flatmates laughing moderately while sober
  8. Blinking light from the wi-fi router
  9. Mice running around my room looking for food
  10. Mice in the walls
  11. Mice under my bed
  12. One mouse who got stuck in my garbage bin and couldn’t get out and I needed to help it out
  13. Being anxious about the food I left on my table
  14. Exiting movies that made me happy
  15. Sad movies that made me cry
  16. Forgetting to pretend that melatonin works
  17. Pain in my neck
  18. Pain in my back
  19. Pain in my chest
  20. Pain in my legs
  21. Stomachaches
  22. Headaches
  23. Twitching eye
  24. Twitching lips
  25. Reading study emails in the evening
  26. Being late on assignments
  27. Housing and how I burn my limited money on this expensive room
  28. Being scared that my imagined desired ideal partners will never be real
  29. Checking my balance
  30. Thinking about mortality
  31. The idea that I might never succeed in life because my standards in success are borrowed from fantasy books
  32. Own heartbeat echoing through the pillow
  33. That story about Russian student whose heart just stopped in his sleep
  34. Panic attacks
  35. Hair everywhere
  36. Being too hot under the blanket and too cold without
  37. Footsteps
  38. House screeching
  39. Finished microwave at the kitchen
  40. Birds singing
  41. The sound of horses running on the street around 3am
  42. Garbage track every Tuesday
  43. My friends writing concerning messages
  44. Screens
  45. Desire to write a book but inability to start
  46. Memories of unfortunate communications
  47. Crying
  48. The thought that I forgot to wash the dishes
  49. Screaming from migraines
  50. Drunk people outside
  51. Dark shadows in the corners of my eyes
  52. Memories of close people who are far away or won’t be close again
  53. Missing my bed at home for no reason
  54. Missing the screams from outside my old house
  55. Food stuck in my teeth
  56. Pimples that hurt
  57. My toe that I’ve hurt 3 months ago but don’t think GP will actually help
  58. Obsessive suicidal thoughts
  59. Knowing that alarm is set to 9am
  60. Getting distracted with your own breathing
Published on Jun 10, 2020 by Kseniia